If you find yourself asking "what's next?" in your life, there's a boom industry of personal growth retreats and curricula to help navigate midlife transitions, big or small.
The first step requires some introspection: "Who am I now? Or who do I want to become?"
These are incredibly common questions, especially at key transitions in life, whether that's launching children and becoming an empty-nester, walking through a career disruption or navigating the loss of a partner through divorce or death.
"I think of midlife not as a crisis, but as a chrysalis. It's that middle stage between caterpillar and butterfly," says Chip Conley, founder of the Modern Elder Academy and author of the The Midlife Manifesto. "You're letting go of some things and something else is being created at the same time."
Conley describes his organization as "a midlife wisdom school," and it's among the new crop of courses and workshops — including at universities and community colleges — that promise to help people navigate life's big shifts.
Take a quiz, discover an archetype
These courses fill a gap. Many people long for transformation — to try something new — in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond, but unlike young adults graduating from college, there's no ceremony to celebrate the arrival to midlife or encourage a fresh start.
Making change requires work — and time. "You need practices and tools and a community to support you during this time," Conley says.
One tool developed by The Modern Elder Academy is a pathfinder quiz that identifies eight types of midlife paths. Think of them as your archetype.
Are you a seeker, craving adventure or reinvention? Or a lone wolf – fiercely independent, but also looking for connection. Perhaps you're an impact-maker: You want to make a difference in this world or help solve a problem, or perhaps a sage, with a desire to share your wisdom.
Betsy Benoit, who is in her early 60's and lives in Portland, Oregon, took the MEA quiz during a time of transition.
"What I discovered was, it was spot on," she says. The results revealed two parts of herself, coming together in midlife.
"It was shockingly accurate," she says. "It pegged me as following the path of the seeker," someone who is craving adventure, meaning and reinvention.
Benoit is also a lone wolf type. "I really embraced being alone," she says, especially amid the pandemic. Yet she also realized she was ready for deeper connections.
She took a six-week online course, called Navigating Transitions, through MEA, in 2021. Leading up to this time, she'd lost her job and gotten divorced after three decades of marriage. "My world just kind of exploded," she recalls.
"The course helped me plunge back into life and friendships," she says. And when the pandemic was over, she met up with other MEA alumni, both virtually and in person, finding a crew of fellow seekers who seemed ready to put the scars of the past behind them and embrace something new.
A booming field
Over the last five years, post-pandemic, there's been a boom in what Conley calls "transformational travel," which he says appeals to those in transition.
"People are choosing to use their travel, time and money to actually transform themselves," Conley says."And because people in midlife are often at the low point of life satisfaction, this is not a bad investment."
Conely speaks from behind the wheel of his car, as he shuttles between gathering spaces on the picturesque MEA campus. It is located on a ranch in the high plains of New Mexico outside Sante Fe, with stirring views of the Sandia, Ortiz and Sangre de Cristo mountain ranges.
As the population ages and the number of college students declines, institutions of higher education are actively cultivating a crop of midlife and older students.
The share of the U.S. population over 65 is growing quickly, shifting the balance of the population toward retirees.
The Nexel Collaborative is a group of institutions that have launched various course offerings. They include: Change Makers program at University of Colorado at Denver; The Midlife Academy at the University of Minnesota; the Distinguished Careers Institute at Stanford University in California; and the Encore Transition Program at Union Theological Seminary in New York.
"For so long we've defaulted in retirement to the idea that 'graying is playing'," says Marc Freedman who has written several books on creating purpose and meaning in the second half of life. And, indeed, many empty-nesters and people with more free time turn to games including golf and pickleball. As important as play is, it's clear some people are looking for more.
Freedman is the founder of a non-profit organization that seeks to foster connections across generations, called Co-Generate. He also designed and led an inaugural group of midlife seekers through a program at Yale University, called the Experienced Leaders Initiative — which guides participants through a 6-month, midlife reset.
"I discovered in the process that this was much more about people's deeper aspiration," he says.
He points to the benefits of structured midlife transition programs.
"They're not only helping to provide guidance, but they're providing a deep sense of community and the opportunity for people to learn from each other, " he says. And it's also possible to take a do-it-yourself approach.
Longevity benefits?
One of the pay-offs of doing the work of midlife discovery, is that it can help lead people towards a path that brings a renewed sense of purpose, which is, in itself, one key to thriving in midlife.
When longevity researchers study all the factors that play a role in keeping people healthy and vital for longer, they find having a sense of purpose can be beneficial.
"A sense of purpose and life satisfaction seem to play a role in enhancing health longevity," says David Rehkopf, a social epidemiologist at Stanford University. Though purpose is likely not as important as key health behaviors such as not smoking, exercising and prioritizing physical activity, he points to research that shows a link between purpose and lifespan.
DIY options, too
When Laura Walker, a participant in the Yale initiative, started on her transition journey last year, she began by asking herself a question: "What can only I do?"
She aims to find a path that incorporates "my weird mix of gifts and scars and experience," she says. Walker is the past president of Bennington College and also a former public radio executive.
Walker says she was inspired by others in her group.
"By hearing about their struggles, their breakthroughs and seeing them ask for help and be vulnerable, I was inspired to follow suit," Walker says.
For those beginning their journey, "my advice is to design a learning and discovery project guided by freedom, joy, curiosity, and possibility," Walker says. She offers three tips to get started:
- Feed your curiosity: Walker's advice is to read widely. She points to practical resources, such as the Stanford Center on Longevity's material on reimagining your "Map of Life" Check out podcasts and books, including fiction with themes of transition and reinvention. "Let yourself be surprised by what captures your attention," she says.
- Find your fellow seekers: Find others who are at your stage of life – or those a bit further down the path. You could look to former colleagues, neighbors, friends, or friends of friends. Walker says check out resources such as the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, faith-based communities, and online communities such as the women-led group Lustre, whose tagline is "Not old. Not done. Still cool."
- Take a three-dimensional approach: The Yale initiative uses the framework of "Looking Inward, Looking Outward, Moving Forward." Put simply, we need to turn inward to understand ourselves, and also look outward to explore and connect. Freedman says the "outward pillar" was organized around the question: "What is the need that needs you most?" Another way to think of it: Where do your priorities meet the needs of the world?
It's similar to the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which is finding the nexus between what you love, what you're good at, and what the world needs.
Longer lives, more opportunities
As you face transition, it's helpful to see the new opportunities that were not available to previous generations.
"Understand that you are at the forefront of a generation that is living longer and that you will be part of a redefining and rethinking how we live our whole lives," Walker says.
Freedman says he'd love to see society adopt policies to encourage midlife learning. For instance, he thinks far more people could benefit from a midlife "gap year" – just like some college kids take – than can currently swing a year off from work and family financial obligations. One idea is to give people the opportunity to take a year of Social Security benefits early, in order to finance such a break, and then delay taking benefits after a later retirement.
"I don't think that there's any point in time in midlife or even beyond that you actually stop seeking," says Betsy Benoit, describing a series of curves and switchbacks in her own journey.
Through MEA she has found a group of like-minded friends who now spend their vacations together. They gather for group meals, but often pursue their own activities during the day – a hike, a museum visit or a painting class. "It's given me a community," she says.
Their support, combined with all the self-knowledge she's gained has been invaluable.
"It lights the path around me," she says.
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