This is a recap of the most recent episode of HBO's House of the Dragon. It contains spoilers. That's what a recap is.
And we're back. It's two years later in our time, while only a handful of seconds have passed for these poor doomed schmucks in Westeros. So they may not need a refresher on what happened back in the lifetime ago we call the Biden Administration, but you might — and we've got you covered. If you're looking to dive even deeper, the Season 1 and 2 recaps await you here.
Credits! And the Die, You! Tapestry returns in all its embroidered, even more blood-soaked glory, once again depicting the Doom of Valyria, Aegon's Conquest, the Targaryen kings Maegor, Jaehaerys and poor dead Viserys, then all the stuff from Season 1: Aegon and Rhaenyra on parallel thrones, Lucerys getting snapped into (and in two) like a Slim Jim, then the Season 2 bits: Li'l baby Jaehaerys lying in state, the death of Rhaenys at Rook's Rest, then the Red Sowing (Rhaenyra's dragonrider recruitment drive).
We open somewhere in the Vale, where Rhaena and Sheepstealer, the wild dragon she's been stalking across the heath for freaking ever, finally make it official. There's some will-they-won't-they business at first, but eventually the dragon roasts himself some mutton and splits it with her. You get the sense Rhaena's a words-of-affirmation kinda gal, but too bad: She's gonna have to make do with acts-of-service.
In the Red Keep, the departure of King Aegon and Larys has been noticed by Aemond, who reacts violently and impulsively, because that is literally the guy's entire — indeed his only — deal. Turns out they've hidden themselves in the back of a carriage on its way north. Aegon is coming down hard from his pain meds, and I've just decided that when members of the aristocracy undergo opiate withdrawal we should call it "going cold pheasant," so do with that what you will.
Their carriage is waylaid by soldiers loyal to Queen Rhaenyra, who decide to kill them, not least because Aegon can't keep from being an insufferable snot. (The Targaryen brothers are a coupla scorpions, and the whole world is their frog.) Larys reveals their secret identities and convinces the lead thug to spare their lives and take them to Rhaenyra.
Speaking of: On Dragonstone, Rhaenyra shares her plan to fly to King's Landing and take the throne, having been assured in the Season 2 finale that she will be able to do so easily. It was Alicent herself who did said assuring — you remember? When she managed to sneak inside the Black's stronghold/incredibly fortified fortress like she was breezing through the tutorial level of Hitman on Easy mode? Yeah.
Alicent assured Rhaenyra that Aemond and his badass dragon Vhagar won't be around, having flown to Harrenhal to challenge Daemon, leaving the city unprotected. Alicent also said she would order her soldiers to stand down, in exchange for an end to the bloodshed. Jacaerys, Mysaria and her Small Council think it's a trap, but Rhaenyra insists, and sends instructions for Corlys to peel off a few ships from the blockade to help take King's Landing, and for Daemon to return from Harrenhal.
In King's Landing, Alicent's back from her Mission: Improbable, only to find Aemond astride the Iron Throne. When he tells her that he's now in charge because Aegon peaced out, and that he won't be flying to Harrenhal after all, we get a nice shot of Alicent's ill-concealed alarm. When he further reports that 1. Ormund Hightower is on his way with an army, along with her youngest (as yet unseen-by-us) son Daeron and Daeron's dragon, and 2. the Black's sea blockade is about to be broken by a huge Triarchy fleet led by Tyland Lannister and Sharako Lohar, her alarm turns to panic; she gulps, and you can almost see the words "an end to the bloodshed" shriveling to dust in the air around her.
How to get a head in battle without really trying
In the Riverlands, Daemon's armies have defeated the Lannisters. The show stokes some inessential mystery when a new army arrives on the battlefield, but they turn out to be on Daemon's side. Specifically, they're the battle-hardened (read: old) Northmen called the Winter Wolves that Jacaerys convinced to fight for Queen Rhaenyra at the start of last season. They're led by Roderick Dustin, aka Roddy the Ruin, who offers Daemon the head of Jason Lannister, because that's the Westerosi equivalent of bringing a sixpack to the backyard barbeque. It's taken them eight episodes to make their way down the length of the continent. (Remember how, in the last couple seasons of Game of Thrones, everybody just kind of zipped around the world like they had fleets of private jets at their disposal? Well, in this House [of the Dragon], we trudge, and trudging takes time.)
Not terribly far away, Ser Gwayne Hightower urges an even-mopier-than-baseline Criston Cole to do something about a soldier who's assaulted a local woman. But ever since he's seen what dragons can do to human flesh, Cole's been like a college freshman who suddenly starts dragging Nietzsche into every conversation. "We'll all become beasts, before the end," he says, knee-deep in nihilism. "Only if we abandon our principles," says Gwayne.
Smash cut to: Ulf, a guy who abandons seventeen principles before breakfast. He and his fellow dragonseeds (the lowborn non-Targaryens who managed to score themselves dragons last season) Hugh and Addam are holed up with their dragons on the Isle of Faces, a large island in the center of a huge lake called the Gods Eye. They're waiting for Aemond to show up on Vhagar, because they are under the impression that Daemon is still at Harrenhal, which sits on the lake's northern shore. He isn't — he's already moved south with his mustered riverlords to crush the Lannister army.
But with no sign of Aemond or Vhagar, Ulf waxes philosophical, or what passes for it, for him. He makes it clear that he's really only in this thing for the rewards — which, Hugh patiently explains, won't be at all what he's expecting. The island makes them uneasy, and then they spot a creepy beast-man figure, which officially freaks them fully the hell out. And then, just to make them all truly flip their (very literal) wigs, Alys Rivers — she whose potions sent Daemon into a season-long spiral of wasted time — shows up.
(All this mystical stuff is pretty on-brand for the Isle of Faces, which in the books is a pretty crucial chunk of real estate in the history of Westeros. It's lousy with the magic of the old gods and the Children of the Forest (remember them from Game of Thrones? Little green guys dressed like extras from your local community college's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream? Those guys).
Back at the Red Keep, Alicent writes instructions to Ormund Hightower, who's marching to King's Landing. Well I say "writes." Forges, more like, as she signs the note with Aemond's name. This is something Helaena notices, just before letting on that beneath all his sneering, Aemond is scared, because he knows that if he faces Rhaenyra's dragons, he'll die.
You'll remember that, on this show, every kooky thing Helaena says comes true, sooner or later. Watch your back, Aemond.
You know, just … keep an eye out. Heh.
"Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Ye ol' Cap'n is reevaluatin' his emotional priorities! Arr!"
On the Black flagship, Corlys and his son Alyn have exactly the kind of weighty, familial chin-wag that was thick on the ground in earlier seasons, back when this show should really have been called House of Endless Whispered Conversations in Underlit Rooms. But now? When they're about to get attacked by the Triarchy fleet? We're gonna go all "Cat's in the Cradle?" Really? Anyway, the gist of it is that Corlys wants to make Alyn his legitimate heir.
Then they get attacked by the Triarchy fleet (told you!).
On the Triarchy flagship, Tyland Lannister, in full plate armor, and Sharako Lohar, in more sensible, sea-worthy leathers (this will be important later), disagree on how to proceed. Tyland counsels a tactical approach that will cluster their ships so near the enemy that the Blacks will be loath to risk having their dragons charbroil their own fleet. Sharako, however, harbors (heh) a longstanding beef with Corlys and gives orders to send ships to land on Corlys' ancestral home of Driftmark and burn his castle High Tide to the ground.
At the Hightower camp, we meet Ormund Hightower, a preening, supercilious sort who receives "Aemond's" (read: Alicent's) instructions — which turn out be: Stop marching towards King's Landing. Just chill, bro. (No sign of Daeron, or his dragon, just yet.)
So now there won't, in fact, be an army in King's Landing to defend it when Rhaenyra comes. Which is all well and good, but there's still Aemond to deal with, so that's exactly what Alicent does. She entreats him to leave King's Landing and fly to Harrenhal, and she employs a series of tactics to do so. First, she butters him up by telling him how much stronger he is than his brother, which is a bit like saying he's a cup of the very firmest Jell-O. Next she tries using the intel she got from Helaena by assuring him it's okay to be afraid of Rhaenyra's dragons and that he'll be safe from them at Harrenhal. (Aemond denies being afraid, because of course he does.) But Aemond's a Targaryen, so ultimately the only kind of pull she has with him is Oedi-pull. (Shut up.)
He plants a deep wet one on his mother, and props to Olivia Cooke for silently cycling through shock, disgust, resignation, realization and resolve in the span of a few seconds. In the end, Aemond agrees to leave King's Landing, freeing it up for Rhaenyra's return.
News reaches Dragonstone that the Triarchy is attacking the fleet, and Rhaenyra resolves to set out on her dragon to help defend them. Jacaerys orders poor loyal Ser Lorent Marbrand, who's been by Rhaenyra's side for a long time, to lock her in her chambers for her own safety. (Rhaenyra takes this turn of events … not well.) Jacaerys and Baela mount up their dragons and head for the fight.
In fairness, bro was basically wearing an anchor, you know?
Meanwhile, the Battle of the Gullet is in full swing. The two flagships spot each other and Corlys decides to lead Sharako on a not-so-merry chase through a shallow passage that only he knows well enough to navigate. Turns out he's wrong, there — Sharako loses some ships, but manages to make it through with a few scratches and bumps. And, being a mercenary, she displays a decidedly mercenary attitude toward her allies (well, her clients, technically); she orders Tyland Lannister and his fellow soldiers, all in their weighty armor, to be tossed overboard.
Ruthless, yes, but she's an MVP in other aspects of battle — including but not limited to dragon-sharpshooting. Baela and Jacaerys turn up on their dragons Moondancer and Vermax, who proceed to transform a bunch of Triarchy ships from original recipe to extra crispy. But Sharako manages to harpoon Vermax with a weighted line and it looks as if the boy and his dragon are headed into the drink when Baela and Moondancer manage to cut through the line, allowing Vermax to fight another day (or as it turns out, another few minutes).
As the Black flagship turns to re-enter the battle, Corlys sees that High Tide is on fire. But before he can process that, his ship gets rammed by Sharako. Corlys falls into the sea, and Alyn — after a long, ugly fight — takes out Sharako.
Just then, a new dragon enters the chat! It's Rhaena, on the back of Sheepstealer. She first flew to Dragonstone, but when she saw the battle underway, she set out to help the Blacks.
On a barely tamed dragon.
That doesn't know Team Green from Team Black.
Or that the other dragons are his allies, and not a couple of flying scaly sheep ripe for the burninating.
The result is exactly what you'd expect. In the ensuing dragon-on-dragon-on-dragon chaos, Vermax gets hit again, and goes down, sinking beneath the waves. Jacaerys only just manages to free himself from the saddle and swims to the surface, where he is promptly Boromir-ed by three Triarchy arrows.
By tri-archery, you might say. If you were so inclined.
And with that, the battle is over, and so is the episode.
Parting thoughts
- Could it be? Both Tyland and Jason Lannister — both of whom were played by the same actor, Jefferson Hall — taken out in a single episode? I mean Jason, definitely; decapitation isn't something you shrug off. But Tyland? I dunno. We didn't see the body. (Ditto: Corlys.)
- Operation: Daeronwatch continues. Still no sign of the kid. He plays a biggish role in the books, so we know he's coming, but this is another episode where he gets mentioned without appearing onscreen.
- Let's just acknowledge that this sea battle was a hell of a lot better, in every possible respect, than all those senseless sequences in Game of Thrones' final season involving Euron Greyjoy. And not simply because it didn't feature Euron Greyjoy. I mean mostly that, but not simply that.
- Sharako joins the swelling ranks of bad guys introduced in one episode and taken out in the very next one. Somewhere she and the Crabfeeder are hunkered together over some Arbor Red, comparing notes.
- We'll be here right after each new episode airs, Sundays at 10:01 p.m. Eastern Time. Join us for more fire and blood! And — presumably, because HBO's gonna HBO — butts!
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