The 80th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp is known as International Holocaust Remembrance Day — a day which coincides with the death of Michael Wolnerman’s mother.
Wolnerman’s parents were both Holocaust survivors. His father, David, was the last known Holocaust survivor in Des Moines. He died in 2023. His mother, Jennie, died in 2016.
“The stories have to be told, with the warts, or even if they're shiny and wonderful. Your story, my story, those stories have to continue. That's the fiber of our country, and if we don't know that, then we better wake up,” said Wolnerman, who went to Drake University and is now a pharmacist at OneroRx.
Wolnerman spoke with IPR’s Lucia Cheng about what it’s like to grow up in the shadow of the Holocaust. The following interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Do you feel like you carry generational trauma with you?
Wolnerman: There's got to be some trauma. I would put it in a little box inside my heart or in my head and leave it there. And I don't think it would come out to the world very often. Sometimes, maybe on points like today, I should bring it out.
But more importantly, there isn't a Holocaust survivor that doesn't have some trauma. They've all had trauma.
I wasn't around when my father would wake up with terrible nightmares. My mom would sometimes, particularly when dementia set in, she would almost hallucinate. She would remember some of these bad things that had happened to her, but she would also wake up and think she was with her sisters that weren't there anymore.
My mom and dad would talk about people who had passed away in concentration camps or the death marches that my mother walked on as if you and I were just generally talking. It was just normal.
What was it like to grow up knowing that your parents survived the Holocaust?
Wolnerman: I learned about my family history as a young boy in Gary, Ind., playing with my friends. It started out with my friends acknowledging that my parents had broken English. They didn’t make fun of my parents’ English, but they said, “Why do they talk funny?” So, then I started asking questions.
I was seven maybe, and I asked my dad what the number on his arm was. He was tattooed with a number on his arm in Auschwitz, and I asked him what that meant. He said, “Don't tell your mother, but that's my girlfriend's phone number.”
"My parents knew they didn't have a childhood. But they knew how to love, and they also knew how to care, and they knew how to make sure we had all the basic elements of life and encouragement."Michael Wolnerman
We would talk about how he would feel, as opposed to what he went through. “How did you feel leaving home at 13, never to see your mother and sister again?” What would a 13-year-old boy really feel?
He didn't know what was ahead of him. No one knew what was ahead of them. He didn't know much about Auschwitz. He didn't know much about the mass extermination of the Jews.
My parents knew they didn't have a childhood. But they knew how to love, and they also knew how to care, and they knew how to make sure we had all the basic elements of life and encouragement. It was just so important to them to have good food, good shelter, nice clothes, and, of course, loving, wonderful family.
Do you have survivor’s guilt, even though you didn’t experience the Holocaust directly?
“Why am I here?” I asked my dad that. I asked my mom, “Why did you feel like you were saved?”
We're on this earth to live, and that's the point to why my parents survived. So that they can demonstrate to me and my family how we should live, how we should act and how we should appreciate what we have given to us.
It's not about privilege, but a message that you have to continue to stay alive.
God put people on the earth to teach you how to be, and God put people on the earth to teach you how not to be. There were bad people put on this earth, but we don't want to be like those people. There are good things that you want to learn and glean from what had happened out of an awful, awful thing with the Holocaust.
Staying on top of current events was very important to my parents. The Holocaust didn't start with gas chambers. It started much differently years before, with the rise of Hitler and antisemitism, and that's what we are dealing with right now. We have to squash that as best we can.
You don't want to just bury your head in the sand, of course. So, if there are actions happening in our community that are not appropriate, whether it's the Jewish community or the community at large, we need to step up. We need to say something, and we need to do something.