AILSA CHANG, HOST:
The way comedian and TV writer Tamara Yajia tells her life story, it was a chaotic mess from the very start, surrounded by a family who acted - to use her word - insane, stuck between two cultures as she bounced back and forth between Argentina and America, robbed of the chance to become an Argentine child star precisely because her parents couldn't stay planted. But you can hear her laughing out loud as she recounts these brutal years in her new memoir called "Cry For Me, Argentina: My Life As A Failed Child Star." Tamara Yajia joins us now. Welcome.
TAMARA YAJIA: Hi, Ailsa.
CHANG: Hi.
YAJIA: I made it through.
CHANG: (Laughter) You did.
YAJIA: (Laughter).
CHANG: So you tell in this book how you figured out at this very early age how much you wanted to be on stage. And there is this key moment that I want to talk to you about. You were 9 years old, performing at your school's talent show.
YAJIA: Oh, my God.
CHANG: It was a lip sync of Madonna's "Like A Prayer."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LIKE A PRAYER")
MADONNA: (Singing) Life is mystery. Everyone must...
CHANG: You went all out. Like, you had props, a custom-made costume. And three minutes into your performance, the choir comes in.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LIKE A PRAYER")
MADONNA: (Singing) Let the choir sing. When you call my name, it's like a little prayer
CHANG: And I will let you take it from here.
YAJIA: At that point, I stood center stage, grabbed the collar of my American flag shirt and ripped it off just like strippers do in the movies via a series of Velcro strips that Bubelah (ph) had sewn onto the sides for me. The shirt tore off perfectly, like I had rehearsed it. And then I stood there under that spotlight, a 9-year-old wearing nothing but a garter belt, beige underwear that made me appear to be nude and a tiny lace bralette, gazing out at an audience that looked like a truck was about to run them over. And I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LIKE A PRAYER")
MADONNA: (Singing) Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there.
CHANG: Oh, what I would give to see the expression on all those adults' faces.
YAJIA: Yes. And to mention, it was a Hebrew school.
CHANG: Oh, I love it. I love it. OK.
YAJIA: (Laughter).
CHANG: So tell us why this was such a crucial moment to you.
YAJIA: You know, it was one of the loneliest times of my life. We had moved back from the United States to Argentina. I had no friends. I had no confidence. And I discovered Madonna on TV. And I remember her "La Isla Bonita" music video...
CHANG: Yeah. Yeah.
YAJIA: ...Coming on, and she sang in English and in Spanish...
CHANG: Right.
YAJIA: ...Which was like a bridge between the two cultures.
CHANG: Yeah.
YAJIA: And I wanted to be Madonna.
CHANG: 'Cause you, too, were bridging two cultures.
YAJIA: I was. And so I felt seen for the first time. And I think as this talent show came up, it was my chance to show the kids that I was cool and what best thing to do than Madonna. Now, I shouldn't have picked "Like A Prayer"...
CHANG: (Laughter).
YAJIA: ...For this Hebrew school performance (laughter).
CHANG: No, you should have.
YAJIA: Yes.
CHANG: Well, you know, I'm thinking back to that little girl who was performing Madonna on that stage in front of her Hebrew school community. And as I was reading this book, I was already formulating questions in my mind that I wanted to ask you. And I was trying to decide how to word those questions because, Tamara, there is so much about sex in this book. And obviously, this being NPR, I have to proceed in such a way to thread the needle. But can you talk in the most NPR-friendly...
YAJIA: Yes.
CHANG: ...Way possible about the sexual openness in your family?
YAJIA: You know, it's crazy, right? Sex was always talked about, not just with my parents, but my grandparents. I write about how our family outings were to drive to the red light district in Buenos Aires to see the sex workers...
CHANG: Yeah.
YAJIA: ...Which is crazy.
CHANG: Right. It was a family excursion.
YAJIA: It was a family excursion with my grandfather on chemotherapy, like, dying in the front seat. I mean, I talk about this in therapy a lot because obviously it's completely unhealthy. But it was what it was. So I was being bombarded by sex at a very early age.
CHANG: Sexualized images - I mean, did it make you feel that you should be sexualized?
YAJIA: Oh, totally. To me, it was the norm. And I didn't understand it. And, you know, there's a kind of dark chapter in the book where I go into the experiences of being sexualized as a performer - you know, like older men looking up my skirt on the stage. And you know what's crazy? I'm just now, as an adult, starting to process it. Because for so many years I accepted it, and I just didn't think about it.
CHANG: Well, and also you strove to seek the gaze of men.
YAJIA: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I would sit at restaurants as a kid, and if men didn't look at me, I found that confusing because it was my go-to.
CHANG: Yeah.
YAJIA: That's why the book is, as much as it is funny, it is very sad. But I think it's worth writing down and talking to people about because I think so many people may have gone through similar things - maybe not the exact situation but, you know.
CHANG: May I ask, though, you are really funny in this book about some very painful, messed up things that happened to you. Is it harder, then, to talk about your past without wielding humor as a tool?
YAJIA: Probably, probably. I never thought about that. But I think it must be a defense mechanism in a way, but also, it's what's kept me alive and allowed me to thrive. I always tell my sister, like, we made it through a pretty difficult childhood, and, like, we're doing really well.
CHANG: Yeah. You know, you say at one point that - and I'm going to use your words - your unstable and dysfunctional upbringing had you questioning most of your life if you would be able to bring a child into this world and do things differently from the way your parents did. And I'm just curious how writing and talking about your experiences maybe got you closer to wanting to have children.
YAJIA: This book was so healing, Ailsa. I - you know, if it wasn't for writing this book, I don't think I would have properly processed my life. And it was right as I finished this book that I was - I realized, you know, what had been holding me back from wanting kids was that fear of not being able to give them stability. And, you know, it's crazy, like, the moment I finished the book, I started trying to have kids...
CHANG: Wow.
YAJIA: ...And then I realized I was too old. Not too old, but I was 40 years old, and it wouldn't come as easily as I thought.
CHANG: Well, when it came to that question of whether you could give your children a life that was different from your parents, that you could choose what to borrow from your parents and what to reject from your parents, what gave you the confidence that you could hold back in the ways you wanted and give in the ways that you wanted?
YAJIA: It was probably the fact that I could see their mistakes but not hang on to the anger. Because for so many years, I held on to the anger and resentment towards them for not giving me a more stable childhood. But I think once I let the anger go, I knew I would be capable of breaking the cycle.
CHANG: Tamara Yajia's new book is called "Cry For Me, Argentina." Thank you so much for this conversation.
YAJIA: Thank you. It was an absolute pleasure and an honor.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LA ISLA BONITA")
MADONNA: (Singing) Last night, I dreamt of San Pedro. Just like I've never gone, I knew the song. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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