PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Jessi, for what we believe is the first time, scientists in the U.K. have come up with formal classifications for the five different kinds of what?
JESSI KLEIN: Moods that I'm in at this point.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: Give me a hint.
SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. One thing all five types have in common - they're all willing to scoop up poop out of a box of sand.
KLEIN: Those aren't any of my moods.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: Cats.
SAGAL: Cats' owners...
KLEIN: Litters.
SAGAL: ...Jessi...
KLEIN: Cats' owners.
SAGAL: ...Cat owners.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Cat owners, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
KLEIN: OK.
SAGAL: There are five types of cat owners, it turns out. Now, previously, we thought there were only two kinds of cat owners - cat ladies or secret cat ladies. But new research proposes that cat owners can be divided into five personality types, while cats believe their owners can be divided way more ways if you just use your claws.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The types are - and these are real - freedom defender, conscientious caretakers, concerned protectors, tolerant guardians and laissez faire landlords.
KLEIN: Why aren't these people working on the vaccine?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The categories refer to attitudes about monitoring the cats' behavior, especially when they're outside of the house, because if allowed to roam, cats can spread disease, kill wildlife, interfere in U.S. elections and secretly set forest fires and blame gender reveal parties.
ADAM BURKE: (Laughter) You also know that the type of person to write this report underlined the letters cat in category.
SAGAL: It's true. It's true.
(SOUNDBITE OF ELTON JOHN SONG, "HONKY CAT")
SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists find out there really is a God in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.