UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: The following program was taped before an audience of no one.
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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Good to meet you, daddy. I'm your Bill-egitimate (ph) child, Bill Kurtis. And here's your host, who just remembered he left half a tuna sandwich in the office fridge six months ago. It's Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
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SAGAL: And thanks once more to our fake audience, which this week is a recording of the crowd responding four years ago when Jeb Bush asked them to please clap. Later on, we're going to be talking to the legendary chemistry teacher-turned-murderous drug lord Walter White himself, the actor Bryan Cranston, who in real life is an extremely nice man who's never murdered anyone, which - let's face it - is kind of a letdown. But we don't care who you've killed or not when you give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
WARREN FRANKENBERGER: Hi. This is Warren Frankenberger from Wilmington, Del.
SAGAL: From Wilmington, Del.
FRANKENBERGER: Yes (laughter).
SAGAL: Have you been by Joe Biden's basement to see how he's doing?
FRANKENBERGER: No. I'm not quite sure where he lives. We can't go anywhere near there. And - but I do hear that he sometimes hangs out at Charcoal Pit.
SAGAL: What is the Charcoal Pit?
FRANKENBERGER: It's a barbecue place that apparently he frequents. This is a rumor, though. I'm not - I can't confirm or deny that.
SAGAL: Right. OK. All right. You clearly have adopted his style of speech. Well...
FRANKENBERGER: Well, you know...
SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Warren. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he has a podcast called "Urgent Care," and you can see him on this season of "Search Party." It's Joel Kim Booster.
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JOEL KIM BOOSTER: Hello, Warren.
FRANKENBERGER: Hi.
SAGAL: Next, an author and humorist who continues to defy the gods by not having his own podcast, Tom Bodett.
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TOM BODETT: Hey, Warren.
FRANKENBERGER: Hi there.
SAGAL: And finally, we're delighted to welcome back to the show the co-host of the "Another Round" podcast and the host of Mailchimp's "Going Through It" Season 2 and the upcoming podcast "Back Issue," Tracy Clayton.
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TRACY CLAYTON: Hi, Warren. Happy pandemic. I'm not wearing pants.
FRANKENBERGER: Oh. Oh, my.
BOOSTER: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Warren, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
FRANKENBERGER: I am ready.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: There has to be someone who, the day after they're picked, is prepared to be president.
SAGAL: That was Joe Biden acknowledging that the big job requirement of what job is to take over his job?
FRANKENBERGER: Vice president.
SAGAL: Yeah, vice president...
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SAGAL: ...Of course.
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SAGAL: Joe Biden is very close to announcing his running mate, which is great because if he waits any longer, we're going to find out in the voting booth. He's promised to pick a female vice presidential candidate. That's very exciting. There are lots of really qualified candidates in the mix, in the conversation. But you know the Democrats are just going to blow it and pick Tim Kaine again.
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BODETT: When he says they need to be prepared to be president the day after they're announced, is, like, he not feeling well?
SAGAL: Well, I mean...
BOOSTER: Yeah.
CLAYTON: I feel like he knows what we know, and he just, like - this is y'all's (ph) next president. Once I got to tap out, this is who you get.
SAGAL: We all know that if he's elected, Joe Biden will be the oldest president ever to be inaugurated.
CLAYTON: Wow.
SAGAL: And so everybody must know the weight on the vice president. In fact, we're told that the very first question they asked the potential candidates in their interviews was, so where do you see yourself in about a year?
BOOSTER: (Laughter).
CLAYTON: OK. So a weird thing I've been doing is watching old presidential debates that, like, I either can't remember or - I don't know. I'm just weird.
BOOSTER: You know that Netflix...
SAGAL: That is a little weird.
BOOSTER: ...Exists, right, Tracy?
CLAYTON: I do, and that's what's weird about it.
BOOSTER: There's so many good shows (laughter).
CLAYTON: I know. I make bad decisions. I told y'all this. Like...
SAGAL: So what have you learned...
CLAYTON: ...It's part of my brand.
SAGAL: ...Watching old presidential debates?
CLAYTON: I've learned that since Joe Biden was in debates, he's not been able to remember people's names, states' names.
SAGAL: So you don't think it's a decline that we're talking about with Joe Biden. You think he's always been kind of this way.
CLAYTON: Yeah, I do.
BOOSTER: I guess I personally would like a president that remembers the names of states.
CLAYTON: Yeah.
BOOSTER: But that's...
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BOOSTER: You know, that's just me.
CLAYTON: Same. I share those same high hopes. I want a handsome president again. No shade to Joe Biden, but I miss...
SAGAL: Joe Biden is a good-looking fellow.
CLAYTON: Well, I mean, he's got...
SAGAL: He paid a lot of money for that hair and teeth, Tracy.
CLAYTON: Sure. Sure - which I respect. But when I'm...
SAGAL: Right.
CLAYTON: ...Ovulating, I need, like, instead...
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CLAYTON: ...You know?
SAGAL: All right.
CLAYTON: Thanks.
SAGAL: Your next quote was tweeted out Thursday by an anti-gun group.
KURTIS: Sending thoughts and prayers.
SAGAL: Now, that was from March for our Lives. They were offering their support to an organization that was targeted by prosecutors in New York and Washington this week. Who are we talking about?
FRANKENBERGER: That would be the NRA.
SAGAL: Exactly right...
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SAGAL: ...The NRA.
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SAGAL: The New York attorney general announced that she is suing to dissolve the National Rifle Association 'cause it has violated dozens and dozens of rules about running a charity - to which we say, wait; the NRA is a charity? Well, it is. Haven't you heard of 1-877-GUNS-4-KIDS (ph), or their...
BODETT: (Laughter).
SAGAL: ...Program for seniors, Guns on Wheels?
BODETT: Oh, can we sing that?
TRACY CLAYTON, TOM BODETT AND BILL KURTIS: (Singing) 1-877-GUNS-4-KIDS.
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CLAYTON: How depressing.
SAGAL: The executives of the NRA have now been accused of stealing more than $60 million from the members who thought they were donating to protect gun rights but ended up paying for Wayne LaPierre's luxury lifestyle.
BODETT: That's armed robbery.
SAGAL: Yeah. Their motto is now, they can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead, expensively manicured hands.
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CLAYTON: Well, at least men are getting manicures now a little bit.
SAGAL: (Laughter).
CLAYTON: I'm looking for the silver lining.
SAGAL: It's not his fault, though. If you're named Wayne LaPierre, you just kind of have to be evil - either that or the world's fanciest hillbilly.
BODETT: That's closer to it, I think.
SAGAL: Here's the thing about this whole scandal. So these guys are now being accused of misusing their funds instead of for what they're donated for. But we want people to be misusing their funds. You don't want them to use the funds for what they're donated for. Have another summer home, Wayne.
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SAGAL: All right, Warren. Here is your last quote.
KURTIS: This is a real moment to address our comfort. It's time to free the leg.
SAGAL: That was a man named Matt Nicholson speaking for millions when he told The Washington Post that he is done with what item of clothing?
FRANKENBERGER: Oh. I'll have to maybe guess with this. I don't know - his pants.
SAGAL: Yes. Specifically, what kind of pants?
FRANKENBERGER: I - jeans. I don't know (laughter).
SAGAL: Yes, jeans.
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SAGAL: Exactly right.
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SAGAL: All clothing sales are off, but sales of jeans have fallen off a cliff. Four brands have declared bankruptcy. Levi's has lost more than half its revenue. Fashion industry analysts say this is because jeans are terrible.
BOOSTER: (Laughter).
SAGAL: But if they're so uncomfortable, why did we all keep wearing them all the time?
CLAYTON: Because our butts look really good in them.
SAGAL: Is that it?
CLAYTON: Yes.
BODETT: If you know what size you are, they're pretty comfortable.
BOOSTER: That's why I like jeggings, OK?
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CLAYTON: Yes.
BOOSTER: You've got to get some fleece jeggings up on your body.
CLAYTON: Pajama pants.
BOOSTER: And you'll never go back to regular jeans again.
CLAYTON: Get the shape, none of the restriction, feels like you're wearing pajamas.
BODETT: Do they have the little stirrups on them so that they don't crawl up your legs, or is that...
CLAYTON: Oh, no. But I love that you remember stirrups.
BOOSTER: Yeah.
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BOOSTER: And that's a brilliant idea. You should take that to "Shark Tank," Tom.
CLAYTON: Yeah.
BOOSTER: You really should.
BODETT: (Laughter).
CLAYTON: You should.
BODETT: I didn't invent it. I see these women at the grocery store. It must be something that's just available in rural America, perhaps.
SAGAL: Yes. In fact, instead of jeans, people are wearing sweatpants or, quote, "athleisurewear." But let's be honest - there's no ath (ph) involved. It's just leisurewear...
CLAYTON: Yeah.
SAGAL: ...Or lesionwear (ph) or depressionwear (ph)...
CLAYTON: It's supposed to be cute.
SAGAL: ...Surrenderwear (ph). Do you guys dress normally every day, or you just lounge around in your pajamas?
BOOSTER: I like to. Sometimes I like to dress up for me, and then I like to take me out to dinner. And then I like...
CLAYTON: Hey.
BOOSTER: ...To talk to me over candlelight. And then I like to do some other stuff with me that I won't mention on public radio, OK?
CLAYTON: On the first date.
BOOSTER: On the first date. I'm very easy.
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CLAYTON: I love the liberation.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Warren do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Warren knocked them out of the park. Congratulations.
SAGAL: Very good, Warren. Thank you...
CLAYTON: Yay.
SAGAL: ...So much.
FRANKENBERGER: Thank you, everybody.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
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LANA DEL REY: (Singing) Blue jeans, white shirt... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.