A very bad play in (mercifully) one act, otherwise known as a crash course in cube-speak. Two colleagues in an office somewhere in America take a water-cooler break.
In a chapter from his book Slang: The Topical Dictionary of AmericanismsPaul Dickson collects and defines key phrases from modern America's office culture, such as those used below. (Already confused? Click here to read with translations.)
Britney: Boy, I needed a break from the cube farm.
Kevin: No kidding! Did you catch the prairie-dogging when Caitlin's coffee-maker exploded?
Britney: At least it provided a little drama to a morning when I was definitely glazing. Although did you get that weird e-mail that was being forwarded around?
Kevin: No, I think the digital hygienist struck again.
Britney: What are you working on?
Kevin: Oh man, I need to get granular on the latest fire drill.
Britney: Yeah, Irving is such a seagull manager. It's like, you gotta have triorities with that guy. I can't believe how long the obfun lasted yesterday, as if we didn't already have enough to do.
Kevin: At least they served lunch. Did you see Tiffany's canfusion?
Britney: Yeah, and the catering vultures lurking in the hallway? Don't those people have any shame?
Kevin: Anyway, there was a cloud of bozone in that room. Where are all our idea hamsters?
Britney: I think they realized working here was a big fat wombat.
Kevin: Amen to that. Well, I guess I better get back to my cube. Nice facemailing with you.
Britney: Excuse me, my cell is vibrating.
Kevin: Shhhh! Don't go all yellular.
Britney and Kevin exit, stage left. Irving emerges from the shadows by the water cooler. He is their boss.
Irving: Darn those young people. I didn't understand a word they said!
Confused like Irving? Click for a translation.
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